The most traumatic and sh**ity (sorry for expletives, but you'll understand by the end of this) thing happened to me this morning. So it's 11 A.M. and I've taken a shower, done my hair, and put on my favorite pair shoes (this is important too, getting the plot yet?), and I decide to check the mail to see if a package from Mommy has arrived yet. The mail room smells like s**t. No joke, I am holding my breath 'cause the smell is too strong. I check the mail and there's no pink slip that proves Mommy loves me, so I do a restrained fast-walk out of the mail room (my favorite shoes aren't actually made for walking). Right at the threshold of the mailroom and the hall, I look down and what did I almost step in (with my favorite shoes)? Yeah, you should've guessed it with all the insinuations in this paragraph, S**T! There's crap on the mailroom tile. I guess that's someone's idea of a fun night.